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Date of recording: DECEMBER 27, 2022

Time of session start: 6:03:02 PM EST

Okay, it’s started. Thank God. I was worried I’d have to actually set up a whole thing with, like, actual recording equipment.

Yeah, Discord is crazy. You can do pretty much anything with it these days.

I’ve got a friend using it to record a podcast. Straight up.

I was actually thinking of doing that!

Well, it would probably be… better— better than his. Podcasts kind of uniformly suck, though.

Well, that’s because they’re made by men with nothing interesting to say. Like, oh my God, we get it, your opinions are mediocre and you love Star Wars so much you jerk off to Darth Vader every night! Bonus points if they’re men in makeup, which means they’re extra special just cause they know how to put on a little foundation.

And who will save us from the podcast epidemic? Women.

Women.

Real women. Our opinions are great.

I, I jerk off to Leia every night. Feminism.

[laughter]

No, but seriously. I want to have a bigger platform to talk about this stuff. I really think we’d be good at it! Like, Seventh, you’re really, really funny in calls. And Kitty, you know your statistics. Is it weird I call you by your usernames?

Nah, why would it be?

So I would be the jester of this operation? Awesome.

You are a jester.

[laughter]

Well, one step at a time. It’s enough that we’re in the same room right now. I’ve never met anyone over the internet before, you know? It’s exciting.

It’s exciting for us too, trust me.

We’re huge fans.

And we only met over Tumblr. Imagine if we spread our reach further than that? Who else would we be able to find that are, you know, like-minded?

It’s really hard to let my walls down around anyone these days… I’m glad you two are here.

Yeah.

We’re glad too.

[sound of heavy impact, muffled sounds]

Where’s the tape?

[shuffling footsteps]

[heavy object being dragged across floor]

RECORDING IN PROCESS…

Good morning, Katey.

[inaudible] (Sorry! TALKBOT couldn’t understand that. Report any issues [HERE].)

I’m just kidding. It’s still evening. My name is Rhione, by the way, since you never asked.

You got some nice-ass wall paneling, Katey. Is this custom?

Obviously.

Oh, yeah, I’m Lary. Short for Larynx. Fun fact, I found that name on babynames.com. White moms name their kids crazy fucking stuff, huh?

But we named ourselves, Lary. What’s our excuse?

True! I guess our excuse is we’re, we’re braindead?

Brainwashed you mean.

Truuuue, true. We’re, like. Brainwashed little girls. The trans enclave got us. How did you describe it— a— a blood cabal? Yeah.

Rhi, can you help me get her legs? She’s heavy.

[clanking sounds]

[muffled footsteps]

Hold on a sec. I gotta piss. Katey, where’s your bathroom? I’ll be right back.

How's it in there?

[muffled] Spacey!

While they’re doing that… you probably know why we’re here.

[muffled] I wanna hear her guess. There’s like, a lot of reasons.

For sure. Did you know there’s a callout post about you? It pretty much has everything you’ve ever done. So from there, you should guess which reason. If you guess right, maybe things will be easier for you.

[inaudible] (Sorry! TALKBOT couldn’t understand that. Report any issues [HERE].)

Dude, speak up. Your tongue’s numb right now. Enunciate.

[silence]

[silence]

[silence]

You’re really fucking pale, you know. You don’t look like you ever see the sun.

[sink runs]

I mean, you know how much she’s online. She doesn’t.

But your nails look immaculate, sister. Yaaaaas. [laughter] Let me see those closer, huh?

Is this shit the same shade as your blog theme? Dude. You’re fully color-coordinated.

That’s kinda scary.

Well, let’s get rid of that right off the bat. Start with a… a softball.

(Sorry! TALKBOT couldn’t understand that. Report any issues [HERE].)

(Sorry! TALKBOT couldn’t understand that. Report any issues [HERE].)

(Sorry! TALKBOT couldn’t understand that. Report any issues [HERE].)

Aw, don’t cry. You hate to see a girl crying.

Yeah, don’t cry, Katey. It’s not that bad.

If you keep crying, I’m gonna have to… gonna have to take off another one. And I’ll do it slower.

Think about it this way. With the perspective of the pain you’ve caused, all the people you’ve called [REDACTED] (Uh oh! TALKBOT can’t transcribe that word. Please read our user guidelines.) [REDACTED] (Uh oh! TALKBOT can’t transcribe that word. Please read our user guidelines.) [REDACTED] (Uh oh! TALKBOT can’t transcribe that word. Please read our user guidelines.). All the people you set your little dog pack on. Doesn’t this seem small when you look at it like that? It’s just a nail.

It’s all about perspective. Perspective, Katey.

It could hurt a lot worse.

[silence]

Hey, give me the pliers.

All right… just remember we only got nine more to work with.

Nah, I’m not doing that. I’m going for a toe.

Ha! Let’s see if these ones are color-coordinated, too!

“Police?” Honey, no. There aren’t going to be police.

You sweet summer child. No one’s going to find you.

Well, we’re— we’re thinking of leaving a little piece out so they know it’s you. But we haven’t decided which piece.

I say don’t worry about it! Enjoy the show.

Oh, don’t look at me like that. You were the one who set it up so that our communications were secure. You really didn’t want anyone to know what you had planned. So in a way, your paranoia really paid off.

You’re always going on about ‘infiltration’ and ‘disguises’ and how scared you were of secret transes. I’m just surprised you never thought someone who looked like you could be an infiltrator.

It’s cause we’re not men anyway, Rhi. Girls have nothing to worry about from other girls.

Speak for yourself! I never said I was a man!

Well, what’s it matter to this [REDACTED]? She obviously doesn’t believe nonbinary people exist! I can say [REDACTED], right? I can reclaim that.

Ooh, sorry, you used it in a misogynistic way. That can’t be reclaimed.

I’m fucked. I’ll— I’ll kill myself now.

When you say something hurtful like that, you know, it hurts all women.

Fuck. I’m sorry women.

Not that this fucking [REDACTED] is a woman. I mean, you weren’t like four years ago, so. What gives about that, by the way? Can I know the tea?

You’re surprised? Come on. It’s the internet, Katey. Nothing is ever really scrubbed.

Sorry, wait, I shouldn’t deadname you. It’s the internet, Milo. Nothing is ever really scrubbed.

I remember one time you said trans dudes have dog names. Well, Milo— what the fuck is that?

Not to disagree with you, Lary, but I’ve never heard of a dog named Milo in my life.

It’s about the energy of the name, Rhi. You name yourself after a dog, a color, the closest household object, or Komaeda. That’s our options.

I have known a few white Komaedas.

Where’d you get your— your new name, Milo? Your mommy give it to you?

Listen, the least you could have done was change the spelling. The -ey is vile and you have to know it.

She just wants to sound more white.

You know, it does sound more white. Even though you can’t hear the difference from -ie.

There’s a difference, trust me. Is it part of your sad white girl schtick to just lie there like that and not fight?

Don’t be mean to her! She’s just a girl!

Right, Milo? Just a girl! You’re just a little fucking girl!

[metal clanging]

Aren’t you tired of being so fucking helpless? Watching you makes my stomach turn.

But it’s part of the philosophy. Real women are helpless. Real women are fragile and frail. Real women are in danger of being [REDACTED] by gender perverts. Without suffering, real women are nothing.

So is that why you made her suffer, Milo?

Actions have consequences, right? Or they should have.

You might sit here and think, “this is so unfair. I was just speaking my mind. I have a right to free speech. Of course I didn’t mean for her to get hurt, I— I just led every hungry wolf I knew to her doorstep.” Yeah.

Ultimately, you just didn’t care about her life. And y’know, I guess we can’t force you. You just need to understand that your life matters to us about as much.

Maybe you’re thinking… someone will find out. Someone will get us back for what we did. Maybe that’s true. But as you proved, this shit just happens to us for just existing, so what’s the difference?

You already know all of this. You just decided not to care. Fucking coward.

Help me take off her shirt.

Oh, don’t scream like that. God. Your voice is so fucking shrill. It’s not what you probably hope is gonna happen, okay? If there was a line of people to [REDACTED] you, I wouldn’t get in.

These things! Are you proud of them? These are signifiers of your womanhood, right? Well, they’re not super big. Not great specimens. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if we just got rid of them for you.

Yeah, Milo. Are you a no-op trender or are you a real man?

People would kill for this opportunity. Hell, I would.

Oh, but Milo! It’s disfiguring your body! Milo, why would you want that? Why would you want to— to deface all which is soft and feminine and beautiful?

Stop mutilating yourself, Milo! It’s against God’s will!

Fuck, I actually am jealous. Why does this [REDACTED] get to have top surgery before I do?

Hey, I’ll do this any time. Just post some weeb shit.

[laughter]

Who’s gonna take you back now, Milo? The [REDACTED] council isn’t gonna like that name. Katey suits a [REDACTED] like you much better. But no one’s gonna believe you’re a Katey now.

Won’t you think— won’t you think of your sisters, Katey?

You think they’re gonna post pictures of you, Katey? Post your address online for whatever random psychopaths to come to your house?

Perish the thought.

Stop. It’s not going to kill you. They’re barely even cut. This is what’s gonna kill you. Ta da!

Did you know a sledgehammer from Home Depot is fucking expensive? Like… like. Over a hundred dollars? You should be grateful. We splurged.

Here’s what’s gonna happen, Milo. You don’t have a lot of options in this situation. I’m sure you and us want the best outcome for everyone, right?

You’re gonna get on your hands and knees. You’re gonna grovel. And you’re going to hurt for everything you did. All the people you hurt. The kids you doxxed. The girl you got killed.

You might not believe it, but this is on behalf of all of us. We just can’t have someone like you around.

[electric buzzing]

And… that’s the last of it. How’s it look to you?

Good. Very… very military. She looks kinda like Eminem right now.

We should open up a salon or something. Do [REDACTED]s get down with salons?

Yeah, probably. I mean, where else would— would they get their ugly ass bangs done?

(Sorry! TALKBOT couldn’t understand that. Report any issues [HERE].)

I dunno, Katey, it could be a blessing in disguise. You have so many split ends, man.

Hey— hey Katey. When I pissed in your bathroom earlier, I didn’t bother flushing. Should I go make you drink it? It’s got period blood in it, if that sweetens the deal. You [REDACTED]s love your cycle worship bullshit.

Now, that’s just going too far. You’re some kind of pervert and I’m going to kill you.

[laughter]

[coughing]

I hope you understand… we have a duty to protect our community. We can’t just lie down and take it when [REDACTED]s… sorry, “[REDACTED]s”… like you do anything you want.

If no one with authority’s gonna do anything about it, then, you know. We’ll. Hurt you.

[silence]

Hey, Katey. Here’s a thought experiment.

Do you think you can ever be forgiven? What do you think would make us forgive you?

I saw your posts on that old blog. How sad you were. Were you trying to escape it? By doing this? Are you really happier like this?

Katey.

If you give everything up… renounce your views, and repeat it until we believe it…

We’ll let you go free. Pinky promise.

We know you’re a human at the core. You used to be just like us. This is an olive branch, okay? Really. Maybe it’d make you feel better to finally just… say it.

We got all night.

[silence]

[coughing]

My… my name isn’t Katey. It’s Milo. I was wrong. I’m not… I’m not a girl. And I’m [coughs] sorry.

I never meant to… to kill her. I didn’t even know her. I never meant to hurt anyone, I just—

Am I a boy or a girl?

You’re a boy. Or nonbinary. Or— or whichever one you want to be.

And Pelafina is…?

A girl!

And what did you do?

I… I killed… B—but I didn’t mean to, I’d never, I never meant to—

And?

And I was wrong. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. All the people I’ve hurt. I’m sorry… and…

Please… please don’t kill me…

[silence]

That was really heartfelt, Katey. I almost believed you.

But there’s only one way this was ever gonna go.

[metal scraping]

Oh, god, fuck— please! You said you’d let me go! Please!

Why would we ever— ever— want someone like you back? Someone who’s lied, cheated, and murdered. Just to get herself some fucking internet clout. How are we supposed to believe anything you say? After everything you’ve done?

You were never gonna be able to repent. The world would be better off without you. The next best thing you can do is just fucking die. I just wanted to hear the words come out of your mouth, you evil motherfucker.

Can you push her head down?

(Sorry! TALKBOT couldn’t understand that. Report any issues [HERE].)

Sorry, sweetie. You know how it’s gotta be.

Bye Katey.

[footsteps]

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[No audio input has been detected from CAMERA 1 in a while! Make sure your microphone is turned on in Settings!]

Man. She bled a lot.

Ahh…

What is it?

I dunno. I feel guilty about one thing.

What?

Pela.

Yeah. Of— of course.

We never got to see her in person. I wish we could talk to her one more time. Show her that things were gonna be okay.

That’s what happens when you’re a fucking kid on the internet, huh? Buildings fall and, and forests burn. And you can’t do a damn thing about it. Except spread around your twenty dollars.

[laughter] Yeah.

But this was us making things right. Making things just. Katey isn’t fucking special, she just had the most clout out of her loser friends.

There’s a billion people out there who might end up becoming just like her. None of us are exempt. If you or I did anything like she did, we would deserve to die too.

We’re supposed to want something different. Acceptance and forgiveness and culpability. But there’s too much hate in my heart. I can’t let go of it.

They need to understand that some things are unforgivable.

[silence]

I know what we’re gonna do with the body, but… any plans on her blog? Her shit’s still logged in cause of the Discord thing.

Mm. We could make some posts. Delete most of them. No one needs that crap floating around anymore.

Should we dedicate this? To… you know?

…I don’t know.

Pela was a good person. I don’t want to say this was for her if she didn’t— wouldn’t— want that.

So I guess this was for us.

[silence]

Is that the best it’s ever going to be?

I don’t know.

It’s what we got.

Recording ended. Thanks for using TALKBOT!